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Nervous breakdowns scrape the skin off my soul, allowing me to see truths about myself that i wouldn't otherwise see. i'm sure i wouldn't otherwise see.the rate of suicide and hurdigurdiness goes up from February through May. my doctor and i agree that light is the worst thing that can happen to bipolars in late winter/early spring. i do not crash and feel hopeless and then want to die. i rapid cycle and then become labile, "pass Go," and suddenly want to off myself. if you crash, it is not logic but chemicals that make you want to die; if you pass Go, it is chemicals that make you think you should kill yourself. i made this nanomovie to keep from damaging myself in the middle of the night after having very, very bad bad thoughts and not being able to sleep. at 7 am, i was watching a Fellini movie after a hard night's work, and i am still here. if you have similar thoughts, please call someone or at least check out a movie you already know you like. old movies are sometimes old friends. |
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